Stand for Something or Fall for Anything

The following guest post was written by Miss Kristie who writes about the adventures (and misadventures ) of life on her blog, Blonde and Blistered. Relationships, travelling, and everything in between, she lives it harder, not smarter, so you don’t have to. Check out her stories at www.blondeandblistered.wordpress.com.

Interested in doing a guest post for The Cha Cha Club? Contact Me.
 

 

Stand for Something or Fall for Anything

Have you ever had one of those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and think “What the fuck happened?”  A moment where you finally see things clearly, and the train wreck that has become your life is displayed in front of you in all its fiery glory?  Yeah, we’ve all been there….at least I hope we have. It would be seriously depressing to learn that everyone else is stable and well-rounded.  My moment came at the end of my 20’s, in the final days of a dysfunctional long term relationship.

I first met “John” when I was 21. He was tall, dark, handsome, and dating somebody else. I was surprised when he started paying a lot of attention to me, and I was so attracted to him I soaked up the attention.  He assured me his girlfriend wouldn’t be a problem, and for him, she wasn’t.  I knew it was a bad idea, but I was young and bad choices followed me around like a lost puppy.  John was a big puppy.

After a year of seeing each other, he broke up with his girlfriend. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.  He picked me over her so that must mean I’m a better person right?  Maybe that’s why I was so devastated the first time he cheated on me.  I don’t know why I was surprised, but it rocked my little world.

As Sophie says, “If it feels bad, it is.” – Guideline #36 of The Dating Man-ifesto

 

Upset couple in bed

I was so devastated the first time he cheated on me.

Unfortunately, that was only the beginning.  I still don’t know how many other girls he was with, but it doesn’t really matter.  The lying hurt the most because I couldn’t trust anything John said. Was he actually going to his hockey game?  Who was the buddy he was meeting after work?  Why hadn’t he called me in the last two hours?  It was maddening. I was downward spiralling into a world of self-hate, fear, and depression. I felt like it was my fault. If I was prettier, funnier, and smarter then he would like me more. I altered my life so I could monitor what he was doing.  I stopped hanging out with friends and doing things that I loved simply so I could be by his side 24/7.

We were together over 6 years until that day I finally saw myself in the mirror. I was staring at a stranger. This wasn’t the strong, confident woman I remembered.  This girl looked weak and defeated. I didn’t know what had happened, but I knew it wasn’t right.  I had two choices: I could keep living the life I was currently in, or I could go my own way.  I broke up with him the next day.

The road after was extremely difficult.  Sometimes, even when you know you’re making the right decision, it’s still hard to walk away.  I ended up leaving the country and travelling for a year to find the part of me I had lost.  I struggled with trying to understand why I had stayed for so long and I beat myself up over it.

 

World Map and Canadian Passport

I travelled for a year to find the part of me I had lost.

If I could go back and give my 21 year old self advice it would be to decide early on what you will and won’t stand for in a relationship. I tried to convince myself that I was okay, even when all the red flags were threatening to choke me to death.

I blamed John for all my problems and it is only recently that I have accepted responsibility for my own actions. He was being himself and I was being his doormat.  You are the person who controls what happens in your life so set your boundaries and walk away from people who don’t respect them.   If you don’t stand for something, then you’re guaranteed to fall for anything.  Plus, just think of how much money you’ll save in therapy costs.  Seriously, that shit is expensive.

 

Stand For Something or Fall for Anything

 

Miss Kristie enjoys writing about the adventures (and misadventures ) of life on her blog Blonde and Blistered. Relationships, travelling, and everything in between , she lives it harder, not smarter, so you don’t have to. Check out her stories at www.blondeandblistered.wordpress.com.

 

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