Love Agreements: Why Every Couple Needs One

Love Agreements: Why Every Couple Needs One is excerpted from my new book, It’s Not You, It’s Us: A Guide for Living Together Without Growing Apart. Available on Amazon.

What is a Love Agreement?

Love Agreements are written agreements about what each of you needs to be happy in your relationship – sexually, emotionally, physically, and financially. Anything is on the table for discussion, preferably over a bottle of wine because In vino veritas, as they say (Latin for “In wine, there is truth.”).

At the end of this article, you can download your own Love Agreement template.

 

Love Agreements can be sexy conversations.

Love Agreements can be sexy conversations.

Love Agreements do several things:

  • They make us more aware of our own (sometimes latent) needs and desires.
  • They let us explore new attitudes and ideas and give us permission to abandon ones that don’t work anymore.
  • They’re surprisingly sexy conversations.
  • They open up communication.
  • They breathe fresh air into a relationship.
  • They lead to greater intimacy.

Love Agreements can be changed at any time. In fact, they should change, as people mature and gain life experience. Tastes change, people change, and so must the terms and agreements of your union. If you expect your partner to remain the same person year after a year – a perfect fossil of their younger self – then you’re in for a big disappointment. After all, what doesn’t grow, dies. That’s true of plants, people and relationships.

 

Your Love Agreement will change as you mature and gain life experience.

Putting Together Your Love Agreement

Anything and everything is on the table when it comes to a Love Agreement. Here are some ideas:

  • How much quality time you will spend with each other per week
  • How much video-game time your partner wants per week
  • How much sex you want each week
  • Vacations – separate and apart
  • How much time to spend with the in-laws
  • Churchgoing: Will you go separately or together, and how often?
  • Food and nutrition: junk food, alcohol consumption
  • Body weight: goal of not putting on more than 10 pounds, etc.
  • Adultery
  • Pornography
  • Personal goals
  • Private time
  • Boys’ night out or girls’ night out
  • Privacy
  • Hygiene
  • Division of labour

By creating space for conversations like this, you would be surprised at what bubbles up.

 

Get started on your Love Agreement by downloading my tempate.

Get started on your Love Agreement by downloading my tempate.

A good agreement does not try to change reality but provides for adjusting to the truth as it is and as it changes.

― David Viscott

I really do believe that in a healthy relationship, you want to make each other happy and fulfilled. So why not tell your partner exactly what you need in order to thrive? In fact, why not write it down? Download my Love Agreement Template V.1 and get started!

 

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Author Adele Frizzell/Sophie Winters

Sophie Winters is the author of two books on dating and relationships. Sophie’s real name is Adele Frizzell. She enjoys travel, hiking, and lifting heavy weights. She is a competitive bench presser, certified yoga teacher, and mountain addict. She loves inspiring people to get more out of life.

Her first book, The Cha Cha Club Dating Man-ifesto is written for all the single ladies, while her second relationship advice book, It’s Not You, It’s Us: A Guide for Living Together Without Growing Apart is for couples who want more joy, intimacy and respect in their relationship. She is working on her third book.


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