Get Good at Dating: Date Only Quality Men

Get Good At Dating: Date Only Quality Men

The following post is adapted from Chapter 7, “Dating More Than One Man” by Sophie Winters, author of The Cha Cha Club Dating Man-ifesto. Now for sale on Amazon.

A reader recently confessed that she doesn’t really date. If a guy shows interest in her, she’ll immediately  jump into an exclusive relationship with him, without considering that they might not be a good match. After a series of dead end relationships, she’s determined to change things and become “pickier”. She’s reading “The Cha Cha Club Dating Man-ifesto” because she doesn’t want to waste any more time on Mr. Wrong. Mostly, she wants to find a Quality Man.

First, let’s talk about how a Quality Man behaves. If you filter out your dating prospects so you only date quality men, your dating life will improve dramatically and you won’t burn yourself out on losers.

Dating Quality Men

What is a Quality Man, anyway? Well, he’s a man who “can do” a relationship. It will take time to figure out if he’s the real deal (and not just a Player trying to get in your pants), but there are four signs.

Guideline #29: A Quality Man Communicates.

A Quality Man communicates. He tells you his thoughts and feelings. He won’t give you the silent treatment or disappear for no reason. You don’t feel like you’re on thin ice with him. He will not put you down or get angry with you for expressing your feelings. He wants you to be honest. He will want to know the real you and will try to understand what’s in your head and heart. He will not run from arguments or the first sign of trouble. If you say that something bothers you, he will earnestly try to make it better. He involves you in decisions. He asks how you feel. He is, as they say, “a good communicator”.

Guideline #30: A Quality Man Is Trustworthy.

A Quality Man is trustworthy. He will be honest and straightforward. He is respected by others. He does what he says. He doesn’t leave you hanging. He has integrity. He will not lie. He will not cheat. He will not mooch. He is transparent. He is accountable for his actions. He is dependable and lives by a code. He apologizes if he has screwed up, because he wants your trust and respect. He is, as they say, “a great guy”.

Guideline #31: A Quality Man Makes You a Priority.

A Quality Man will make you a priority. He will put you first. He’ll call you. He’ll make plans in advance to see you and he’ll be on time. You will know where you stand with him. He will want to spend time with you. He will make time to be with you. He will cherish you. He will protect you. He will include you in his life. He will want you to meet his friends and family, because you are an important part of his life. He “treats you like gold”.

Guideline #32: A Quality Man Has a Plan.

A Quality Man has a plan. He knows what he wants and he’s determined to make it happen. He wants to make something of himself in the world. He’s realistic about his plan. He’s into self-development. He holds himself to a high standard. He is accomplished in some area. He has dreams and ambitions. He doesn’t just talk about what he wants, he goes for it. Future plans include marriage or long-term commitment with one woman. He is “a man with a plan”.

Of course, it may take a while for a Quality Man to feel comfortable enough to express his feelings, dreams and ambitions. Respect his pace. It may take time for him to know if you’re “the One”, just as it’s going to take time for you to suss him out (which is one of the reasons to keep dating other men). What you should be concerned with is whether the relationship is getting deeper over time and whether he is exhibiting more and more of these Quality Man behaviours.

Guideline #33: A Man Shows You How He Feels about You through His Actions.

This is a really important guideline to take in, because words are cheap. I’ve had men assure me that everything is “fine”, but their actions say otherwise.

PEARLY WISDOM: When a man says he hasn’t been in touch because he’s “really busy”, it usually means he wants some space. Make sure those moments don’t turn into months. Nine times out of ten, “busy” means you aren’t a priority; and you want a man who will make you a priority.

Pay attention to what your man does. Are his words consistent with his actions? If not, you’ve got trouble.

Now that you’ve read about the signs of a Quality Man, read through this post again; can you say the same things about yourself? Are you a Quality Woman? In what areas could you improve?

If you’re already in a relationship, do both of you inspire and help each other to become better people?

The quality of your relationships is directly affected by how much personal work you’ve done on yourself and by the standards you set, for both yourself and others.

Next: Trust your intuition.

 

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Author Adele Frizzell/Sophie Winters

Sophie Winters is the author of two books on dating and relationships. Sophie’s real name is Adele Frizzell. She enjoys travel, hiking, and lifting heavy weights. She is a competitive bench presser, certified yoga teacher, and mountain addict. She loves inspiring people to get more out of life.

Her first book, The Cha Cha Club Dating Man-ifesto is written for all the single ladies, while her second relationship advice book, It’s Not You, It’s Us: A Guide for Living Together Without Growing Apart is for couples who want more joy, intimacy and respect in their relationship. She is working on her third book.


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