Be Grateful Not Hateful

The following guest post was written by Jess Ritchie, a freelance copywriter and editor who helps people use their words. She believes in knowing, liking and communicating your true self. You can find Jess at www.NaturalCopywriting.com.

Interested in doing a guest post for The Cha Cha Club? Contact Me.

 

Be Grateful Not Hateful

Get more love in your life – use your exes (it’s not what you’re thinking!)

OLD HURTS STILL HURT

It’s been a rough time for me lately. Family dramas, sick relatives, the death of friends. I fell into a rut and suddenly, an old ex popped into my head – and I was mad at him again. In moments when you’re feeling low, do you ever find yourself fixating on an ex? (Even if you’re now in a happy, solid relationship.) Maybe you feel anger, regret or resentment. You’re hurting over them again – but why?

 

Let’s turn the bad vibes into fuel for insight and improvement!

“This focus on him is actually a way of escaping and avoiding dealing with your own emotions.” says Adele, Founder of NakedDivorce.com.

I wasn’t confident. I hung around for too long when, despite his great words, he clearly wasn’t going to make any changes in his life or lifestyle. Now, if I’m feeling low in confidence again and this ex comes up, I know it’s not about HIM. It’s just a signal that I once again need work on something in myself – I need to get my Cha Cha back.

(If you haven’t read The Cha Cha Club Dating Man-ifesto yet, it’s full of fun tips for boosting your self-confidence!)

 

The Dating Manifesto by Sophie Winters

This book is full of fun tips for boosting your self-confidence.

HOW WE CAN LEARN

We can use these pop-up exes to measure our current level of self-esteem and indicate areas in need of self-love and attention. Let’s turn the bad vibes into fuel for insight and improvement!

I brainstormed what I’ve learned from exes over the years. It was easy to throw accusations: harder to accept the part I played and learn from it. I call it ‘Grateful not Hateful’.

Grateful Not Hateful Table

 

Now think about YOUR exes. Line them up in your head and go through them one by one. Can you see the part you played and find a kernel of learning?

Write it all down. You might cringe, but don’t judge yourself, just observe. The goal is to learn, not beat yourself up. Do any of the exes come up more at times of stress or sadness? These are the ones that offer extra growth potential.

I am definitely NOT saying you should blame yourself for the relationships that didn’t work out.

An ex may truly BE some of the things you list! But if you see any recurring patterns that aren’t serving you, it’s time to adopt Sophie’s motto – get more love in your life, starting with yourself.

After all, if you bang your head against the wall over and over to check it still hurts, who do you have to blame when you get a headache? Yourself!

 

Be Grateful not Hateful

Be Grateful Not Hateful

TIME TO GROW

Improve yourself, your life and your relationships by choosing to work on something that came up in your list. Don’t stay stuck in hurt. If you’re single, trust that there ARE great partners out there but we have to be brave, take responsibility, learn, and move forwards.

If you need a boost to get you going, try starting with The Cha Cha Club, where Sophie shares fun tips and strategies for letting go and learning to love yourself.

So, while I know it’s easy to carry hateful feelings for exes, let’s try to be grateful for them. I bet each one taught us something. Sophie and I would love to hear YOUR ‘grateful not hateful’ insights – talk to us!

Do you experience ‘pop-up exes’? When? 

What have you learned from them?

 

Jess Ritchie

 

Jess Ritchie is a freelance copywriter and editor who helps people use their words. She believes in knowing, liking and communicating your true self. You can find Jess at www.NaturalCopywriting.com.

 

 

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